Mar. 9th, 2019 | 02:12 pm
- major in creative writing/sociology and minor in World literature/ japanese :3
- join the peace core after all my studies and after i get my masters
- to publish my book
- Have my book turn into a movie someday
- go travel the world, greece, italy, japan, korea, Thailand, Spain, etc.
- To learn how to play the piano <3
- publish a children book
- To be fit, body and mind.
- To be in enlightment. ( being in the now)
Learn how to do some origami
- Find a job :(
Get permit, Get license
- To be love
- To be in a protest, where what they are protesting is something that I care about and want to change
- go to studio ghibli museum
- meet hayao miyazaki
Go to an orchestra, someday
- go to a comedy stand up
- go to a jazz thingy.
- To go to new york city for new year eve :3
- go to the mountain when it snow
- Build a snow men!
- snow boarding!!
- ride in a air ballon
- to lose 20
- I want to learn how to play guitar
- want to learn how to ball room dance, swing dance. :3
- want to take a boat across the ocean.
- to get into UC irvine, so i can do creative writing :3
- wants to get a telescope so at night time i can watch the stars
- convert into buddhism, and to learn more about it
- wants to be able to run 6 miles.
- start doing yoga
- Learn more about art, and develop my style a bit.. but just for hobbies.
- on thanks giving attend the feed homeless people thingy.
- run a mile for a cause, like breast cancer.
- to see cherry blossom again n.n <3
- To get a vespa
- road trip
- go to san frans
- To get a yellow buggie
- read 20 books a year
- Finish my " empty mirages of happiness" story and change it
- adopt a dog who needs help :3
- to be able to love myself, before i can love another.
- To be stronger mentally and emotionally?
start working out start caring for myself more.
- being indendepent
- go hiking
- go camping in the wilderness :3
- to learn how to sew!!!!
- learn how to speak an language
- learn calligraphy!!
- To make my own dress
- to cosplay ( haruko bunny outfit ) :3
To attend anime expo for the first time!! (maybe this year)
- ride my bike places
- To live life to the fullest
- to write a story about my struggle with my weight.
- To be able to inspire others like how many people have inspired me. :)
- fly a kite
- those thingies that ride in the dirt?
- to learn how to cook ( better)
- learn to give and not expect anything.
- break out of my comfort zone :)
to be continued. :3
To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.
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Aug. 13th, 2010 | 08:07 pm
10 Ways to Have Peaceful, Loving Relationships
by Lori Deschene
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” ~Dalai Lama
Though Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, this is not a post about romance. It’s about any relationship–with your brother, your mother, your coworker, your friend.
And I admit I am not an expert.
I’ve made a million and one mistakes in relationships. I’ve expected too much. Or not asked for what I needed in fear of rocking the boat. I’ve been competitive. I’ve been suspisious. I’ve been dependent. I’d like to think what redeems me from all these mistakes is that I’ve also been honest.
Being self aware, in my opinion, is far more valuable than being perfect–mostly because the former is attainable and helpful, while the latter is neither.
Relationships are not easy. They mirror everything we feel about ourselves and the way the world works. When you’ve had a bad day, the people around you seem difficult. When you’re not happy with yourself, your relationships seem to be lacking.
If you’ve ever gotten in a fight, only to find yourself wondering what you were really upset about, this post may help you. If you’ve ever been disappointed because someone didn’t meet your expectations, this post may help you, too. Feel walked on and unheard? You guessed it–there’s likely something in here that will help you change that.
We don’t live in a vacuum. We have thoughts and feelings that can be confusing. Other people do, too. And just like in the movie Crash, they don’t always collide smoothly.
When I apply these ideas–which I do better sometimes than others–I feel confident, strong, compassionate, and peaceful in my interactions. I hope they can do the same for you.
1. Do what you need to do for you.
Everyone has personal needs, whether it’s going to the gym after work or taking some alone time on Saturday morning. If someone asks you to do something and your instinct is to honor you own need, do that. I’m not saying you can’t make sacrifices sometimes, but it’s important to make a habit of taking care of yourself. (More on this: 10 Ways to Balance Self Interest & Sacrifice).
Someone once told me people are like glasses of water. If you don’t do what you have to do to keep your glass full, you’ll need to take it from someone else–which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
It’s tempting to doubt people. To assume your boyfriend meant to hurt you by not inviting you out with his friends, or your friend meant to make you feel inadequate by flaunting her money. People who care about you want you to feel happy, even if sometimes they get too wrapped up in their own problems to show it well.
Sometimes they may be hurtful and mean it–let’s not pretend we’re all angels. But that won’t be the norm. It will likely be when they’re hurting and don’t know what to do with it. Odds are they’ll feel bad and apologize later. If you want to get good will, share it by seeing the best in the people you love. When you assume the best you often inspire it.
3. Look at yourself for the problem first.
When you feel unhappy with yourself, it’s easy to find something wrong in a relationship. If you blame another person for what you’re feeling, the solution is on them. But this is actually faulty logic. For starters, it gives them all the control. And secondly, it usually doesn’t solve the problem since you didn’t actually address the root cause.
Next time you feel the need to blame someone for your feelings–something they did or should have done–ask yourself if there’s something else going on. You may find there’s something underlying: something you did or should have done for you. Take responsibility for the problem and you have power to create a solution.
4. Be mindful of projecting.
In psychology, projecting refers to denying your own traits and then ascribing them to the outside world or other people. For example, if you’re not a loyal and trusting friend, you may assume your friends are all out to get you. It’s a defense mechanism that allows you to avoid the discomfort of acknowledging your weaknesses. There’s no faster way to put a rift in your relationships.
This comes back to down to self awareness, and it’s hard work. Acknowledging your flaws isn’t fun; but if you don’t, you’ll continue seeing them in everyone around you. And you’ll continue to hurt. Next time you see something negative in someone else, ask yourself if it’s true for you. It might not be–but if it is, identifying it can help create peace in that relationship.
5. Choose your battles.
Everyone knows someone who makes everything a fight. If you question them about something, you can expect an argument. If you comment on something they did, you’ll probably get yelled at. Even a compliment could create a confrontation. Some people just like to fight–maybe to channel negativity they’re carrying around about the world or themselves.
On the one hand, you have to tell people when there’s something bothering you. That’s the only way to address problems. On the other hand, you don’t have to let everything bother you. When I’m not sure if I need to bring something up, I ask myself these few questions:
- Does this happen often and leave me feeling bad?
- Does this really matter in the grand scheme of things?
- Can I empathize with their feelings instead of dwelling on my insecurity?
6. Confront compassionately and clearly.
When you attack someone, their natural instinct is to defend themself–which gets you nowhere. You end up having a loud conversation where two people do their best to prove they’re right and the other one is wrong. It’s rarely that black and white. It’s more likely you both have points, but you’re both too stubborn to meet in the middle.
If you approach someone with compassion, you will open their hearts and minds. Show them you understand where they’re coming from, and they’ll be willing to see your side. That gives you a chance to express yourself and your expectations clearly. And when you let people know what you need at the right time in the right way, they’re more likely to give that to you.
7. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
There are all kinds of ways you can feel vulnerable in relationships: When you express your feelings for someone else. When you’re honest about yourself or your past. When you admit you made a mistake. People don’t always do these things because they want to maintain a sense of power.
Power allows you a superficial sense of control, whereas true, vulnerable being allows you a sense of authenticity. That’s love: being your true self and allowing someone else to do the same without letting fear and judgment tear it down. It’s like Jimi Hendrix said, “When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.” I discussed this more in-depth in 5 Rules for Life.
8. Think before acting on emotion.
This one is the hardest for me. As soon as I feel hurt, frustrated, or angry, I want to do something with it–which is always a bad idea. I’ve realized my initial emotional reaction does not always reflect how I really feel about something. Initially, I might feel scared or angry–but once I calm down and think things through, I often realize I overreacted.
When you feel a strong emotion, try to sit it for a while. Don’t use it or run from it–just feel it. When you learn to observe your feelings before acting on them, you minimize the negativity you create in two ways: you process, analyze, and deal with feelings before putting them on someone else; and you communicate in a way that inspires them to stay open instead of shutting down.
9. Maintain boundaries.
When people get close, boundaries can get fuzzy. In a relationship without boundaries, you let the other person manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do. You act out of guilt instead of honoring your needs. You let someone offend you without telling them how you feel about it. The best way to ensure people treat you how you want to be treated is to teach them.
That means you have to love and respect yourself enough to do that: to acknowledge what you need, and speak up. The only way to truly have loving, peaceful relationships is to start with a loving, peaceful relationship with yourself. This is a huge topic; if it resonates with you, I recommend this wonderful article (yes, on Oprah’s website) that explains how to set personal boundaries.
10. Enjoy their company more than their approval.
When you desperately need someone’s approval, your relationship becomes all about what they do for you: how often they stroke your ego, how well they bring you up when you feel down, how well they mitigate your negative feelings. This is draining for another person; and it creates an unbalanced relationship.
If you notice yourself dwelling on pleasing someone else or getting their approval, realize you’re creating that need. (Unless you’re in an abusive relationship, in which case I highly recommend getting help.) Instead of focusing on what you can get from that person, focus on enjoying yourselves together. Oftentimes the best thing you can do for yourself and someone else is let go and give yourself permission to smile.
What do you do to create peaceful, loving relationships?
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Jul. 31st, 2010 | 11:44 am
Thinking about this makes me feel how is it that someone who hates each other get married. IT makes me so scared to fall in love and to get married. Maybe it's because i feel like i'm unlovable, and i don't understand why someone would love a person like me with so many flaws.
I'm careless, i'm overweight, clumsy.
I even talked with Dan asking him if he isn't attractive to me anymore. He doesn't respond, but think that im not attractive to him. It's not that, it's just that he's always talking about how pretty someone else is, always talking about my flaws.
After i told him that, he asked me if he could see other people while seeing me. When i ask him again when he woken up he said that he doesn't want to see any one else but me. I wanted to talk with him about it about everything but it's hard. I asked him if he wanted to see other people and he said he doesn't know he is confused. I don't know. our relationship is so complex so complicated that sometime it makes me want to run away until everything is not so complicated. We aren't together but we surely do act like we are together. BUt reality is that we aren't and i guess that what makes it complicated and that none of us are ready. But the crazy thing is that i dont want to lose him, but want to better myself before we are ready. It's going to hurt, to realize that someone you built so much with is seeing other people too, because he's not ready. I know i shouldn't care or get hurt, but it hurts, i guess, i just want him to be with me until we are together. I tried seeing someone else, after he started seeing someone else. And i felt really bad. I felt so disgusted. It didn't seem right, it felt wrong. I'm sure Dan has people who hit on him who are more confident than I am, who are more well put off, more attractive. I guess, i don't understand how can someone love someone who has so many mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm just a girl trying to brush off the dust off her shoulder and make everything right again..
I'm careless, overweight, and is self conscious, over time i'll be
Gracefull, fit, and confident.
Today is the day that i decided i'm going to stop being so careless.
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Jul. 26th, 2010 | 08:46 pm
I guess everyone has their ideal types.
I think the jazzy artistic types are pretty cute :). I would like someone who is confident, has a good sense of humor, open minded, friendly, nice, who can stand up for themselves, someone who isn't embarrassed to be with me. Someone who likes me for me, regardless of my flaws. A kid at heart. :) Someone who is honest and admits his faults, someone who does what he says, someone who follows his dreams.I remember one time i saw a Japanese guy who had long hair and a beard, oh my, he was pretty cute. His wife was cute too, ha. :D Those type are the one that I am naturally attractive to, but of course I'm not picky. Sometimes people have something after having nothing. Sense of humor is always big on me, i rather have someone who can have fun then having a stick up their butt.
But of course, not everyone get their ideal mate, but get someone opposite. It's like that one scene from 500 days of summer, where they were talking about their dream girl. And the guy was like, well, I would like a different hair style on her, more into sport, But you know what, she real". It's a girl that he been dating for quiet a while now. I love that line, because despite of his ideal mate, he found someone to love. :) I love that movie more than words can say. I love that movie, just because it's about love and not a story about love.
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Jul. 12th, 2010 | 08:45 pm
Anyways, He asked me If i ever thought about seeing other people, or ever if i am. I told him no. I have though thought about seeing other people, but I don't, because even though things are complicated between Dan and I, I am happy. Just seeing him, spending time with him, or me acting weird as he gives me looks. I know that both of us aren't ready for any relationship, but I still want to take it steady until or if we are ever ready. :) He told me how he did too, I kind of wandering what makes him want to see other people, either because our distant or he wants someone who is more attractive. I know that I am not the most attractive person he's been with, and sometimes i feel like i'm not what he wants. But i guess, the things he do for me I can tell that he does care for me. It's not that i'm trying to better myself for him, he has motivated me to better myself, to be the best. And that's what im trying to do. Trying to get myself up again and try to fix myself up. Even the organzation guy told me, that if i style my hair more than i'll be more attractive, i guess sometimes i don't care too much about my appearance and I should start caring more, like brushing my hair, etc and wearing make-up more. Etc. But i think working out is a first and a must. Then my confidence will come smoothly. Even though, I feel more comfortable talking to people and I don't get nervous anymore, but i still sit around and listen to people converstations and sometimes when i have something to say, i choose not to express it. Which is another problem of mind. But regardless of what anyone has said, i do believe that my confidence level has risen. I was opening up to him as he was opening up to me.
I told him all the guys that hit on me in San Diego and he tells me all the people he gets hit on over there.
He told me how he was acting different because he didn't know how to react to not seeing me as much. I just wish that he knew that i never did stop thinking about him when I started school.
Sometimes i feel like, he was being distant because I can't tell him the L word. Sometimes i feel like i'm just hurting him because i can't tell him that. But at the same time i want him to be close with me still. I just want him to understand, that I am not ready for a serious relationship, even though we are kind of together and we kind of arent and things had happen between us. I just want to be the best before i am with anyone. To be confident, fit and happy with myself. And i think that's most important. It's not that i don't love him. I do, but i'm just scared to give him my heart when we aren't officially together. But there are time when laying next to him i want to tell him that i love him. i've been trying to push myself to say it, but it's hard. It's easy to say, to him when he tells me, I love you jennie, and i respond I love you forrest. But it's just so hard to say, Buddha-kun, i love you. He ask me if i love him, and i say yes, then he said yes to what? And ill stay quiet. But i am being more expressive. just need to w ork on myself. NO more excuses, just got to do it. Because i really want to find myself again.
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Jul. 10th, 2010 | 12:10 pm
So far my schedule will be;
Math 96 mw
English ( i forgot what kind)
Then when my registeration for grossmont comes going to sign up for Japanese.
I wanted to resign up for jazz dance, but the same teacher not going to be there for fall. It sucks though alot of classes has been cancelled. :(
I am so happy that i'm so near transferring :)
All i need is, after done with fall session of course is; Globalization, math 115, Antro and I think that is all!! But of course I want to take some courses for my major, like world lit, world religion, world history, fundamental of ficition writing, and continue on piano :)
Hopefully they will have intersession and summer session next year. :)
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Jul. 5th, 2010 | 02:33 pm
Sure, there are people in San Diego who likes me for some reason, but I wouldn't want to break up with someone just because someone is closer. I am happy even though things are complicated. But of course, things are always complicated and sometimes you just got to let things happen and not let it bother you. :)
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Jun. 28th, 2010 | 04:20 pm
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May. 11th, 2010 | 11:52 am
My aunt had visited for a while during her business trip last week. And I really do love having heart to heart conversations with her because she's always there to listen and understands me well. I was telling her how i'm not ready for a relationship because i feel like i have to better myself before hand. My aunt ask me if i was depressed. I shrug, I never thought of it. There are times when i am down but overal i am happy about certain things. She ask me what makes me happy and that what made me sad. Following short term or long term dreams is what makes me happy, smaller things. I don't know. There's so much that i want to do with myself, I know that i can do alot of things but i lack confidence.
I see a lot of improvements within my self from previous years and tremendous improvement from when I had my eating disorder. But i'm still not where i want to be at. Sometimes i feel like i don't deserved to be loved, until i am 100% better. Sometimes i feel like how can anyone love me, because i have so many flaws. I guess that is why i don't understand why people like me or are interested in me. I guess that is why i am holding back to much. I just want to be the best that i can be before i am someone elses.
I just want to find back my confidence. I want to lose weight the healthy way, I want to find a job already, and I want to go to UC irvine, just so i know that i am closer to my dreams.